Oh I just love couples. To see them out and about in daily life. Holding hands, gazing in each other’s eyes, having conversation, smiling and having fun. There is nothing like it. Many have not experienced the genuine love of another as a spouse, husband, wife or lover. The connection is like none other. Yes, there are disagreements and conflict, but when you are truly connected that is quickly forgotten and you move on to the next thing to be experienced together. That is the way it was with my husband, Scott, and the way it is with many of you and your mate. The difficulty is when that person is removed from you through death that you not only feel a longing for your mate, but a connection to others that are in a similar situation. The connection with your spouse has ended and you feel so alone but are we really alone? No, we have each other to lean on – the ones who are left behind to carry the torch of hope to those experiencing this disconnect afresh. Yes, I just love couples—however, I am ever reminded that one day the two will suddenly become one and that one will need a friend that fully understands the pain!

Year One Reflection #2

Scott came to my job from his job in Houston about 40 miles to bring me candy and flowers for Valentines Day. When he arrived, he met students in the hallway who were selling  ” singing valentines” and they brought him to my room. . He came in my class just at the right time. The kids were not rowdy. thank God, and it was the end of the class. I just love how they sung the song. I created this video shortly afterwards. One of my best memories.

Remember, don’t be sad for me. Today I have peace and a grateful attitude. Looking forward to the new season ahead of me and merely glancing back at the memories to say “Thank You”

Year One-Reflection

A year ago today Scott was getting out of the hospital and going to a rehab center. They had told him at the hospital that there was nothing they could do about his condition. We did not accept that so I got him in a rehab center believing that he would get stronger so he could have the surgery he needed to recover. I remember his therapist Jason would come get him and take him to do his therapy.
He was so frail but he still tried so hard. I remember watching him go through the therapy and a few times he was able to take steps of course with the assistance of the rail and Jason. I was so proud. I remember once he was telling one of the therapist how I was pushing him too hard and I needed to back off. Which I did. He was there for about two weeks before I finally accepted that he may need to go into hospice care. I remember when the hospice nurse and I came to speak to him and he told me to leave the room so he could speak to the nurse alone. She stayed in there with him for about 30 minutes explaining the process and answering his questions. When she came out of the room to speak to me she shared with me that he said to her ” does she really need to know what was going on?” He was trying to protect me. I told him that I knew what was going on and my strength came from all the prayers that he prayed for our peace. Then he said something that I thought was really sweet. He said “Renee you really surprise me”
I will never forget those two weeks in rehab. He was unable to do anything for himself but when the nurse aide would change the bed and clean him up he would give his favorite nurse aide a “high five “-raising hands and touching as if to say “you did good !
I remember one day A lady was in the room cleaning and I walked in and as usual I greeted him and said cheerfully “hey baby “. He immediately looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes and said in a whisper because at this time he did not have a lot of strength, “Renee you did not speak to her?’ at that point I smiled and said hello to the lady cleaning the room. Scott always considered others and I learned a lot from him during the time we had together.
He was my teacher, my companion, my spiritual advisor, my husband, and friend .
If he was here right now and speaking to us at this moment he would say do not be sad for he has completed his journey and is experiencing life with the Father!

The Blind Date

Today was my first blind date. We had conversation and lunch that lasted from 11 AM to 4 PM. I was not even thinking about how or what it would lead to until three hours into the encounter he said that I would be placed on the friends because I was not “obedient” enough in that I did not allow him to take the lead . You see I made a decision about whether to sit in the wheel chair or the chair in the restaurant .
He indicated it was ok about switching chairs since I did not want to do it initially . But I changed the seat because I recognized it was a better choice. Because he said it was ok and I decided to move anyway .. I guess that was not obeying. Strange … Another example is that he wanted me to wait in front of the store while he went to his vehicle to pick me up. I told him I would rather row through the parking lot with him because I like wheeling around and getting exercise with my arms. I rolled quite a distance to the vehicle and he never offered to push me. That was ok and we still had good conversation but I found out that was another way I did not follow his lead .

So after three hours he told me I was on his friends list because he wants a women to follow his lead. But for me I knew he was on my friends list after 30 minutes. Let me tell you how I knew.
1. When he saw me he did not reference my appearance by saying I looked nice
( I know I looked nice– I will attach a pic)
2. We sat in Barnes & Noble for two hours right in front of the café and he never asked me if I wanted anything to drink
3. He talk more about himself and did not appear to be interested in learning anything about me
4. He did not offer to pay for my meal.

To be honest I enjoyed the experience and I would not change anything. If he calls, I will talk with him because of course I am on his friends list. 😀Really, I do consider anyone a friend that respects me and can share conversation even when we disagree. I probably won’t bore you with the details of all my dates but it did indeed serve as a distraction from thinking about Scott. I know his spirit was with me all the way. I do understand that I will never find anyone that will live up to the way I was treated by Scott … But I don’t think it too much to expect a genuine compliment and an offer of a glass of water. I’m just saying😀

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