Living in the “Now”

I have been thinking of what to write  since this is the first Christmas without my husband, Scott. It is very hard to put it into words what it is like. Each morning,I still thank God for the season of 14 years that we were together. It was the best times of my life. Right now, I don’t really get sad often but I think about him every day. I just say to myself “He was such a sweetee”. God showed me a few days ago it is impossible to live in 2 seasons at the same time. What that means is that I must focus on the season I am in. I must live in my current season inorder to learn and experience the lessons here. Many people find it difficult to do that because they long for want “was” and feel overwhelmed when faced with the reality that it will never be again because that person has gone to a new home. I believe there is nothing wrong with memories as long as they do not take away from where your life is at present. Right after Scott passed, I noticed myself gradually changing. I have new interests and new path. I know this season will be a good one if I allow myself to live in it and experience it fully. I still am experiencing peace within. I pray and read the bible regularly and seldom watch TV. I am able to be at home alone in complete silence when before I would have to have the noise of TV or music going in my home. I am beginning to enjoy quite. also,i talk to myself out loud. And yes I answer myself. too. lol I am becoming more interested in fashion whereas before I did not shop hardly at all. Many times I would trade places with Scott in my mind and if I was gone I would want Scott to experience his new season to the fullest. I would want him to do the will of God and to have peace and acceptance that what we had came to an end. Yes, I will always have memories but I will not live for them or in them. I will live and experience my season as God has so graciously given it to me and I believe that possibly, the best is yet to come!

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